Mad New World

J. Jonah Jameson is a true man.  He has a deep badass voice, he smokes a cigar, and he has seriously unchecked anger issues which he refuses to see a psychiatrist about.

My favorite part about J Jonah is not that he wanted to unmask Spiderman so bad that he outsourced and created a superhuman Scorpion, its that in a world where pretty much everyone hates Hitler, he still wears his mustache.  I know that in recent movies they have tried to make it seem like it is a normal mustache, but we all know the truth, that thing doesn’t even get close to corners of his mouth.  No one in their right mind rocks that type of stache anymore due to the message it puts out there.  It tells the world, “I’m a racist asshole and my bedroom decor is modeled after Ed Norton’s room in American History X”.  Even knowing this J Jonah woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and said “Fuck it!  It’s time to step up the insanity.”

To be fair you really will have a tough time matching the badassness of a flat top with a standard mustache.  A normal stache couldn’t handle to the pressure of growing up in the shadow of a graying flat top.  If you put a normal everyman’s lip rug in that environment it would probably grow up to be an emo goth serial killer with a foot fetish.  The only option is to make a radical move in order to give your stache the attention it deserves.  So kudos Mr. Jameson not only do you run a successful tabloid ,but you do it even with the CIA looking over your back making sure you aren’t spreading Nazi propaganda.  You are still a dick but at least you have balls.