In all of comics there isn’t as epic of a tumultuous bromance as the one between Krypton’s first son and Gotham’s dark knight.
The two have gone from angsty teammates, to super-eskimo buddies, to scorned lovers in their years of shared print. Every now and then, Superman starts thinking that just because he can punch a hole in a planet, he can pull rank on Batman. It’s in cases like this that Bruce has to reach into his bottomless pit of anger and put the alien back in his place. It may be hinting that he could easily rail Lois or putting on a Kryptonite ring and backhanding him. Here’s the top 5 instances of Batman making Superman his Bitch.
#5: Batman makes Superman run errands for him (All Star Batman and Robin):
All Star Batman and Robin gave us a grittier look at Batman and brought the phrase ” The God damn Batman” to the world. It also showed Batman basically turn Superman into his little brother who he makes pick him up when he’s had too much to drink. Batman, having deduced Superman’s alter-ego, blackmails him into running superspeed errands for him. The only way to make him more of a bitch would be to make a Kryptonite-infused toilet and give him a super-swirly.
#4: Batman mindfucks Superman for talking back to him (No Man’s Land):
If there was one thing that pisses Batman off it’s killing his parents. Coming in a close second is showing up in Gotham and trying to tell Batman how to run his town. When Superman does so in “No Man’s Land,” Batman tells him to pack up his tights and scram. Superman then tries to imply Batman couldn’t stop him if he wanted to, prompting Batman to smile and reach for his utility belt. Superman, having the powers of a God, still pisses his pants like he’s watching The Ring for the first time.
#3: Batman makes Superman misty-eyed for the fuck of it (Infinite Crisis):
Batman’s got a pretty high bar for the type of people he hangs around. Basically, if you show the slightest hint of weakness he’ll punch you in the wind pipe and leave you swinging from a lamp post. This is evidenced in Infinite Crisis when he rips on Superman for dying and then coming back from the dead, a feat previously only accomplished by Jesus (and every other comic character). The meanest part in this insult is the quotes around “Superman”- you can almost taste the tears welling up in Clark’s eyes.
#2: Batman decks Superman then throws his girlfriend off a building (Hush):
In Hush, Superman — lacking Batman’s steely reserve — manages to get brainwashed by Poison Ivy and tries to fight Batman. Instead of cowering in terror- he throws on a Kryptonite ring, wails on Superman, electrocutes him, then has Catwoman throw Lois Lane off a building for good measure. He. throws. her. off. a. building. Batman justifies this as trying to bring Superman back to his senses by saving her but the message is clear: If you ever try and cross me I’m going to emasculate you then murder everyone you love.
#1: Batman beats the living shit out of Superman for questioning his methods (Dark Knight Returns):
This was obviously going to be in the #1 spot as its the most referenced comic when we nerds debate in a “who would win” fight. After Superman tries to take down Batman on behalf of the government, Batman throws on an armor suit and decides to curb-stomp Superman for having the audacity to challenge him. This is a great fight because there’s no “brain-wash” or ”evil twin” scenarios. It’s Batman beating the shit out of Superman because he was pissed off. Point Batman.