For those of you who don’t know, The Voice is a show on NBC where a bunch of people who have their voices digitally altered in a studio judge other people on their singing abilities. They then pick one winner whose prizes include no one caring and a free NBC polo (cost to be deducted from their first paycheck). What does this mean to you? Glad you asked. I am going to use this format to pick The Voice of Christopher Nolan’s Batman series.
There are a lot of crazy voices in the Batman trilogy. But only one can become The Voice.
5. Rachel Dawes “Kill Me Now” Voice
This relates more to the Maggie Gyllenhaal voice. Her character in the movie didn’t require a special voice but she brought one to the party anyways. It’s kind of like a super lame whiney girlfriend voice. The only problem is that Rachel Dawes never gives me blow jobs so I refuse to put up with it. This is why the best part of The Dark Knight is when she blows up.
4. Harvey Dent/Two-Face “I WOULDN’T!!!!” Voice
While speaking in court, Dent has a very nice voice. It is like blue birds singing in summer. This lasts until the time when Dent first gets a gun and is thinking about blowing that guys head off in an alley. He kind of loses control and becomes like a giant kid throwing a fit. You think that the oil fire that burned off his face would have messed with his vocal chords, but even after he becomes Two-Face he still maintains his normal Dent pipes. That is of course until he creepily pets Gordon’s sons head in that abandoned building. To be honest I could have used more voices from him. Maybe throw a random Russian accent in the mix, just to spice it up.
3. Batman “YOU GONNA GET RAPED” Voice
I respect the fact that Bruce Wayne disguises his voice when he is Batman. If he didn’t, the bad guys would just laugh at his insanely pussy Welsh accent. Also, If he just spoke normal then it would be pretty easy to identify him. That is why the voice and the Johnny Depp eye liner are so important to his costume (side note: why is his eye liner never on when he takes the mask off?). The best part about the voice is that it crosses the line from badass to borderline sex offender. Criminals will think twice about committing a crime if they know that Batman is on his way to dish out a karate ass beating followed swiftly by some bad touching. The only thing that disappoints me is that Nolan didn’t have Batman’s voice dubbed by Angie Harmon.
2. Bane “Inhalers Are For Pussies, Just Attach A Grill To My Face” Voice
At first I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. I could have sworn his voice was being done by an extremely high Sean Connery. Then I couldn’t remember if Sean Connery was dead or not, leading to more confusion. At times I would have liked sub-titles. I can’t blame him though, it is tough to talk with the thing from Alien trying to implant a baby in your stomach. His voice did grow on me throughout the movie. He seemed like a really smart douche who got picked on as a kid so he got gigantic, joined the league of shadows, and started taking over cities. Classic story. The asthma inhaler that he had permanently attached to his face also supported this story.
1. The Joker “Clowns Aren’t Creepy Enough, Give Him Scary Voice” Voice
Was there really any doubt? I have been kicked out of several bars for getting loaded and trying to talk like this to waitresses. Basically, The Joker ruined my life. The Joker is a perfect example of why you need to check out the clown college rankings before applying. It is always a positive thing if they have a really good communications department.