Mad New World

Well its the end of March, and for those of you lucky basatrds who still celebrate it that means one thing, SPRING BREAK!!!  While your parents are sitting at their soul crushing desk jobs trying to scrap together enough cash to pay for your tuition, you are using your hard earned drug dealing cash to fly to the Dominican Republic and see if you can OD on something.

In honor of this fantastic week we decided to come up with the top 5 heroes/villains that we would want in our crew on spring break 2011.

5. Jean Grey:

Everyone has to have one of these girls in their spring break lineup.  It is the girl who started dating some guy the first week of college and had the audacity to continue dating him all 4 years.  The problem with this is that you really feel like you got a raw deal in this relationship because you never got to bang her.  Well if there is one time a year when miracles can happen it is spring break.  You see her boyfriend can’t come on Spring Break because he is a total pussy and has to interview for a job at the Xavier Institute next year.  This is your time to swoop.  Even if you don’t get full pen, you could still totally get a mind job from her.

4. Toad:

You gotta bring a guy uglier than you, its just safe.  If you are uglier than toad than you should probably skip spring break and invest in “don’t kill myself” books.

3. The Joker:

Well yeah the guy is a total dick and his girlfriend is crazy, but he would be a great time on spring break.  He would definently end up not paying you for the hotel room and he will obviously creep the shit out of any willing girl you bring back to the room, but he would give you some good laughs.  You can’t put a price on laughs.

2: Bane

Most of us tend to look south towards Mexico for spring break.  You always want a guy in your posse that can speak the native language.  This comes in handy for everything from talking your way out of jail, to negotiating a cheaper price for group rate with one of the fine native women who hang around in the alleys.

Bane is also enormous and could beat the shit out of people for you, plus he loves roids so he would have plenty to talk about with everybody from Arizona State.  The best part is that he would probably pack extra wrestling masks, which would really be helpful if you wanna get involved in a porno but don’t want anyone to know that you only brought 3 inches to the party.

1: Tony Stark

Was there really any doubt?  Tony is the best possible candidate for spring break group leader.  He is super rich, loves to party, and has a super sweet suit that can destroy terrorists.  The last part only helps if you are going to Afghanistan.

Anyone going on spring break can pull Florida State girls who have been hard at work at creating STD’s that eat through condoms.  But with Tony by your side you could be pulling some real strange.  We are talking pre-med girls from Notre Dame.  Who doesn’t want a little pre-med ass?  It’s like Dennis Reynolds said “We don’t want girls who are already wild, we want good girls gone wild.  It’s important to watch the process.”  If that doesn’t work out than maybe Uncle Tony will spring for a classy hooker, maybe even pay extra for the weird stuff.